Lose the Victim

I once believed that people made me angry.

I also believed that others could make me happy, frustrated, sad, disappointed…

I felt like I was just a victim of everyone around me…

Others’ behavior determined MY emotional state.

And I needed others to treat me exactly the way I needed to be treated so that I could feel exactly the way that I wanted to feel.

Victim.

That’s what I was.

A victim.

I didn’t want to, and I didn’t feel that I could control myself.

In fact, I felt so out of control that I felt that it was hopeless to even try to control my emotions.

I had it all figured out.

I would just teach, demand, make them behave exactly how I thought I NEEDED them to behave.

To make me happy.

Exactly.

Don’t say that. Say more of this. Don’t make that face. Take that tone out of your voice. Don’t be upset. Don’t have a bad day…

Since I could not control myself, and I was an emotional time bomb…

I thought everyone else should behave in a manner that served my emotions.

Like they didn’t have their own emotions.

Like they didn’t experience ups and downs.

Like they didn’t have their own life.

Somehow I felt I was more important than them.

So they should shrink themselves for me.

The issue was NEVER anyone else.

I was the emotional time bomb.

I had so much hurt, pain, emotion, suffering inside…

So much torment from years of neglect…

Neglect from my past…

Neglect from myself…

That I was the issue.

Never them.

Others are NEVER the issue.

So after my eventual collapse, I went inside.

I dug deep for the root of those hurts and pains.

I came to terms with them. I finally accepted reality…

You can either accept or reject reality…

But reality is reality.

I accepted that things happened in my life because resisting them caused even more suffering.

What we resist persists.

So I accepted and loved everything that ever happened to me.

The abuse, the trauma, the neglect.

I accepted what others had done…

I accepted the pain I had inflicted on myself.

I first forgave myself, then I forgave others.

I loved, embraced, and accepted all of it…

It is because of my past that I am who I am today.

I cannot be this guy without that past.

My past built me but does not define me.

And I get to decide whom I become, from who I am, in the future.

So I accepted everything.

And my love of self increased.

Then I loved and accepted even more of my pain…

And my love of self increased.

And the cycle continued…

It continues to this day.

It will never end.

Because I am more complete inside, because I love my past, I have accepted that I have created my present and that I can create the future…

I have improved control of my emotions.

I do not react to others the way I once did.

I respond… not react.

I can take a deep breath, think, and feel into the situation, and respond with love.

Even to attacks.

Hurt people hurt people.

And just as others did not own my emotional state, I do not own others’ emotional states.

When someone attacks, they are trying to shed their pain.

That is their pain. Not mine.

And they need love.

Because I love myself unconditionally and absolutely, I have that love to give.

I need nothing from others to make myself complete.

And I have more to give.

Our pain is NEVER about others.

It’s ALWAYS about ourselves.

Go inside and find your pain. Embrace and love your suffering… accepting it completely…

And you begin to find the happiness you are seeking from others.

It’s never outside.

Life is an inside-out game.

You are never a victim.

No one creates your emotion… happiness, anger, frustration…

They just help reveal what’s already there.