Do You Always Get What You Want?
I've got a close friend who is very wealthy and successful, and he also just happens to be the most loving and caring person I know as well. If you're around him long enough you'll eventually hear him say this:
"You can have anything you want in this world."
When I first me him and he told me this I thought he was nuts. Anything I want? That just seemed like crazy-talk.
The problem is that over the 5 years I've known him he's proven it true over and over. Seeing this with my own eyes forced me to reflect and understand what I've been doing wrong in life to sometimes get what I want - and sometimes not.
Check in With Your Childhood
If you haven't figured it out yet from reading my blogs, we're simply a product of the beliefs and stories we're carrying around in our mind and bodies. They are stored in our cells and in our DNA, and these stories were shaped by our environment. They become our beliefs about "how life works." Change your stories, change your life.
One day I was reflecting on the stories and beliefs I'm holding about getting what I want, and I realized that I've carried around a story that other people can get what they want, but that's not true for me. I dove a little deeper to find out when this started.
When I was 4 or 5 years old I recall a conversation I had with my mom and dad when I was asking them for something. I don't remember what that thing is, but I do recall my father saying something along the lines of "You're not going to stop talking about it until you get it, are you Mike?" He said it in a very disgusted and aggravated tone. I do remember them taking me to get it, whatever it was, and the air was thick with resentment as I sat in the backseat of the car.
When I got home with the thing, I recall my older brothers saying "Mike always gets what Mike wants", and they said it in an accusatory and shaming way.
From these two single lines I remember feeling many things including:
Wanting is not ok.
You can't bother other people with what you want.
All things are given and received in a state of resentment.
When you get what you want people will shame you out of jealousy.
It's better to just not express what you want and be disappointed rather than shamed.
For a 4-5 year old kid these are hard pills to swallow. Adults would even struggle with this. To associate wanting with shaming is harmful to our natural ability to create the life we desire. I also recall that every time I got something I wanted when I was kid I was told to not be excited and to calm down. That created yet another story of 'even if we have things we desire we can't enjoy them'.
My beliefs around wanting and receiving were built around shame and resentment.
Carrying Unhealthy Beliefs
When we are carrying painful beliefs such as these, it's a struggle to feel like you can build a life you love. This is why I found myself living a life that everyone else wanted me to live. I would simply gauge the room to see what I should want, then I chose to want whatever it was, even if I didn't. I didn't want to be shamed or resented again.
The point that I'm making with the above story isn't to generate pity or sympathy. The point of the story is to show you how early beliefs are formed, how you view life through those beliefs, and if you don't take time to inventory your stories and beliefs, you'll keep living and struggling from them.
To move beyond the struggles of our beliefs, we need to see the limitations that we have buried in our genetic makeup that needs to be rewired to experience different outcomes. Only you can do this, and it requires reflecting and contemplating on your stories.
Rewire Your Beliefs
You can change your beliefs anytime you want, and when you change your beliefs your life will change accordingly.
To do so get clear about the highest belief you want to hold about that thing, and look for evidence in your life where it's already true.
In my case, the new belief I wish to create is I always get what I want.
I'll give you three awesome examples of where this is true:
My wife Angie and I decided we wanted to move from Maryland to somewhere else, and a week or two later my company decided to close our operation down and asked 3 of us in the company to move to Portland, Oregon. Within a year we were totally moved.
Angie and I decided it was time to move from Portland to another part of the country, and like magic recruiters started calling me asking me to interview with them. Within a year we moved to St. Louis, Missouri.
I decided to never work for anyone ever again and started my own business. my short term goal was to replace my income. My first full year in business I exceeded my highest level of corporate income.
As I reflect back on my life now, whatever I wanted that I trusted would happen, happened. I got clear about what I wanted, believed I could have it, committed to having it, trusted it would come at the perfect time, and it came.
The times I didn't get what I wanted, I wasn't clear, didn't believe I could have it, didn't fully commit, or didn't trust it would happen.
Each day I'm moving beyond any shame and resentment of wanting an awesome life, and wanting anything I want. It's ok to want whatever you want in this lifetime.
I'm a believer and I now see it everyday.
We can have anything we want. Do you believe it?